As I sit here in the coffee shop, writing this post, I think back over the events in the last week which have led me to this point....one event in particular. And its made me realize that throughout our lives, no matter how old and experienced we may think we are, the lessons never stop. There is always something God wants us to learn, or needs to reveal to us...
It's true what people say, that we should never judge a book by its cover, but sometimes, even after we've uncovered the book and started reading, we discover that it was not what we had originally thought or expected. Someone whom I had met some time ago and had gotten to know rather well (or at least I thought I had) turned out to be a complete scum bag and a liar to boot. Not only was I so very disappointed to find out what he had done, but I was also very hurt by his selfishness and machinations.
At first, I felt crushed, devastated, because I felt that I had lost a good friend...but after a while, I realized that this person was never really my friend. Since our entire relationship had been based on a series of compounded lies, a true, honest friendship could never have existed between the two of us.
Relationships which are founded on lies will never survivie the true test of time, nor will they survive the test of storms that ALWAYS come in any relationship. Friends argue and disagree, siblings do the same, so do husbands and wives. But each of those relationships will only survive if they are based on truth and love. That's what Paul meant when he told the Corinthians that "the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13
The reason why love is the greatest gift is because it is the truest. Without it, no relationship will survive and the rifts that come cannot be healed without love. That's the most hurtful part, I thought this person really did care for me (not in a romantic sense) and loved me as a friend. But, I found out to my emotional detriment that he had never been a true friend. He had only focused on the things he wanted, he had been a glib talker, and his affections had never passed the affection he has for himself and himself only. He lied to me and in the end, our friendship could not survive that because he was not true.
When I think of all the things he had said to me over the time we knew each other, all the times he had encouraged me during my ongoing weight-loss program, the times he had given me advice about my writing and ideas, I think to myself "what can be believed from his words?" and the unfortunate answer is "nothing." I cannot believe anything he ever told me since the entire friendship was based on nothing but lies, deceit and selfishness. Even that, I can no longer call it, we never had a friendship because the whole thing was a house of cards built on his mountain of lies.
A relationship must be based on truth, which can only come from affection and love...anything built on lies (even partial truths) will not survive.
And the entire time, I only wanted to be his friend, to encourage him in his goals, his dreams and to be a true friend...one whose friendship is based on charitable love.
I will say this though, I will continue to pray for him that he will mature and learn the value of true friendship. He lost a true friend in me, through his own deceitful machinations, but having prayed for him many times before, I will continue to do so and hope that God will continue to mold and shape him into the man God wants him to be.
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"They repay me evil for good, and hatred for my friendship." Psalm 109:5
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